another challenge!?

I don’t remember if I had mentioned, but this last week of blogging (daily) I committed myself to a “Kindness Challenge” that one of my fitness friends is hosting. Ultimately the ‘kindness’ portion is more for yourself and treating yourself kindly – because let’s be real, I’m sure many of you reading this probably say awful things to yourself now and again.

But you can get extra points (into a raffle) if you post a random act of kindness to others. I enjoy pretty much all her challenges, but this one is just so fun! Because not only am I being held accountable for what I’m putting in my body, i.e. food and water, but also doing a workout, and keeping kindness on the forefront of your brain.

It’s just a nice little twist to the normal: drink your water, eat your veggies, and do some push-ups! Having an element of positivity keeps me involved, and created a personal motivation to not only being kind to others, but remembering to be kind to myself.

I think that’s where most people miss out. We are naturally inclined to help and be there, and take care of the one’s we love, yet when it comes to self – eh, I’ll just go binge-drink wine and eat mac-n-cheese all day. Not only that, it’s also personal testimony. Ever heard that saying:

brene_love

Or furthermore, “Would you say those things to your best friend? Daughter? Son?” Why don’t we say enough wonderful things to ourselves? We should love US. How is it we live where we give and love, and give and love, but yet we don’t give or love to the ones person who needs it in order to continue giving? Maybe that’s why relationships struggle, or we burn ourselves out. Because it’s one thing to receive from others, but in giving to yourself is a whole different feeling.

This little challenge was a wonderfully fun reminder of how important we are, and how important it is to be kind to ourselves, and take care of ourselves. I hope you all get to add a little kindness challenge to your lives as well ❤

 

🙂

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is it really pictures that are worth 1000 words?

Now don’t get me wrong here, I understand the idiom of “A picture is worth a thousand words”. But today, I’m seeing this as more of a life vs picture comparison.

I’ve said this time and again when I am posting on IG or some other social media site, that the photos I am taking, no matter how well they come out, do not give justice to what I am actually seeing with my own eyes. And I know a whole bunch of you out there are like: “Duh, a camera will never be able to express your eyeballs”. But sadly, there are millions and millions of people out there that use photos to express their lives, and do believe these photos provide adequate explanation. And I mean, yah, I love me some good photos to have memories, but I have been careful recently (in the past year or so, hasn’t been too long) in what I am posting, picture-wise, to show a moment or express a feeling of what I am looking at. Or maybe I hear you saying, “You need a better camera, lol”. But I have friends who own “real” cameras, nice ones at that, who still tell me cameras don’t see what your eyeballs do. All a good camera can do is manipulate what your eyeballs see.

It really made an impact when I went to Palm Springs for Christmas this past year. It was a wonderfully adventurous solo-trip, and the first time I had ever been. It was winter, of course, but being from New England I was overly prepared. And I mean, it was only in the 30s-40s on average. For someone who has lived through negative temps and having no power for days, this was not bad at all. I would have taken a winter like that any day! It was a little rainy which made it feel colder, but it was also sunny more than it was rainy, so it was nice. Anyway, as mentioned, I had never been to Palm Springs, so of course I was ready to take a million photos, which I did 🙂

But so many times did I take a photo and it was not what I was seeing! I deleted more than I probably took, because the snow-capped mountains were nothing of what I had seen before, and my camera was not seeing what I was seeing. California has such a wild mix of landscapes, (within a 2-3hr drive no less!) which seriously makes you forget you are in CA sometimes. And I have seen mountains before, beautiful ones in New Hampshire, especially in the fall ❤ But rocky mountains of sort, with snow on them? Nope. And honestly, I have seen these mountains before too, but from afar and never with this amount of snow on them. And boy was it beautiful. It felt like what I imagined CO would be like.

Here is one of my favorite photos from that trip, the pictures were literally taken about 2 hours apart.. Oh California.. #fromDeserttoOcean ❤

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Point is, that was the first time it really hit me – and annoyed me – that all these photos I take (and sometimes share) are just.. eh. Compared to what my eyes see, there is no comparison, and I began to disclaimer my photos. Because, like I mentioned previously, I didn’t want people thinking this was a representation to what I was living.. what I was living was soooooo much better. I also found a new appreciation to putting down my phone and enjoying where I was. Being present. Because this camera will never see what I see.. and I think that’s another point.

This popped in my brain because earlier this morning, I went to brunch, and then spent some time at the beach. It is such a gorgeous day out today, I am trying to find reasons to be outside! When I got to the beach, it was flooded with surfers! More than I have ever seen at this small local beach, so it was a little exciting. The waves looked good, which I assume was the reason for all these men on surfboards (I didn’t see any women). And so, out of habit, I wanted to snap all theses peeps floating, surfing, and waiting for more waves. But when I snapped my little video, you couldn’t see any surfers! But I see them! With my eyeballs! Ugh. Once again I was disappointed in technology. I still posted my snap, but again, with a disclaimer..

I can’t imagine I am the only one who feels this way, but for those who just think I’m crazy, maybe this will have you think differently about what you see, and what your camera sees. I hope this is a little reminder to be present, and enjoy moments – to actually be in the moment, just you, whoever else is there, and with whatever is around you.

 

🙂

10/11/12

I never even realized the date of my departure until this year.. I can’t remember who even mentioned it, but it was just a casual conversation of:

Me: “Yah, my 3 year anniversary is coming up this weekend! October 11th – I’ll never forget it.” 

Person who I don’t remember: “10/11/12 huh? Ha!”

I can’t believe I never noticed.. I wasn’t even trying to be ironic! Haha, but what I found so amazing about it, is that not only will 10/11/12 never happen again in our lifetime, but my fateful cross-country move – will also never happen again.

And by “happen again”, I mean, yah I might have another big move or something else as life-changing occur, but this move not only changed my life, it also created more than a new one.

When I think about that day.. omg. The crying. It was ridiculous. Like reeeaallyyy RIDICULOUS. I kept re-thinking the whole thing.. I was leaving a 5-year relationship, a 4-year job – this was the most stable my life had ever been.. It was comfortable. I kept yelling at myself: “I only have 3k in my pocket! I have no job, no where to live.. I’m 31 years old dammit.. WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?!?!”

But then 10pm PST came.. my flight had landed an hour late.. my cousin thought my plane had either crashed or I lied and ran back to Boston. Talk about an anxiety-filled first night! When I walked onto that tarmac at LGB it had been raining. It was warm, and I still remember the smell of the rain mixed with palm trees. It was like I was on vacation.

I wanted to kiss the wet ground, I was so happy. Every sad emotion was gone. I was now nervous.. Hopeful.. Excited.. Nervous.. Determined.. And did I mention, Nervous? Haha, but it was a great feeling.

Life hadn’t felt this promising since the first day of college. Except I now had more self-esteem, confidence, courage, sass, wisdom, and hopefulness. I had wanted this since I was 13. It was finally happening. I couldn’t decide where to start.

In one month I found a job, an apartment, and a best friend.

I never looked back.

Every new day that has passed, brought more new beginnings and new adventures. And boy, it’s been one heck of an adventure so far. Everyday is different, everyday is new. I never felt like that back east. There is a certain old-world stigma that New England holds. I appreciate it’s history and tradition, and miss it every now and then.. I will also always miss the Fall, but I’ve also never been a traditionalist. I’m always looking for something new. And whether it was me or my surroundings, there was never anything “new” happening. Just the same, societal-expected life cycles happening to different people.

“Normal” expectations are fine for most, but again, I’m unconventional. And my unconventional life is perfect. It’s only imperfect to traditionalists. It’s perfect for me because the only expectations I now have, are from myself. ❤ Honestly, I’m still learning to accept this part of me, (because, I mean, who doesn’t want to be part of the popular crowd, am I right?! lol) but thankfully I have been surrounded by those who support me and help me thrive in my little unconventional world. I have grown so much in these past 3 years; I’ve laughed, I’ve cried, and I’ve loved every giggle and every tear. My soul has been happy.

So here’s to year #3 and the beginning of #4! And to many, many, MANY! more years of New Beginnings 🙂

“The secret to a rich life is to have more beginnings than endings” – Dave Weinbaum

Cheers!

pros and cons.

With all the changes I have experienced in the past month, as well as going deeper into single-dom.. I have found more interesting things about myself. Having nothing to do but think the past few weeks has made me understand what makes me interesting.. and here’s a short list of my findings.

Top 10 Reasons Why I’m AWESOME:

1. I am a realist. I like to present all sides and options of a situation because things CAN go terrible, but that CAN also go great! I, however, like to think of myself as more of an optimistic realist because, somehow, without even trying, I find good in everything and anything that happens. No matter how terrible the situation.

2. I am honest. I’m a terrible liar and I don’t see the point of not allowing yourself to express how you feel. Even if it doesn’t change a situation, honesty only creates more trust.

3. I am the  bestest  friend anyone can have. I value friendships because they are the only family I have. I am always there in need, even if I havent spoken to you in years.

4. I put others before myself. I naturally enjoy helping others. It could be something as important as work, or something as small as dinner. I know I will survive and can take care of myself  no matter the situation, so I let others go first.

5. I am independent. Just as I mentioned, I know how to survive and take care of myself. Aside from one instance, I have pretty much been able to figure shit out. Whether I had to couch hop and live out of my car, or not have cable/internet for years, I still paid my bills, did not go without food, and have always had a job.. and actually, a gym membership.. hmmm shows where my priorities are at. It’s ME who makes things happen.

6. Im a go-getter.I don’t wait for things to happen, or at least I don’t like to. I’m normally the one asking guys out, or making the first move. I don’t give up on job hunts and I always have a plan B, C, D, and however many other letters there are in the alphabet. I’ll take a set back, a road bump, I’ll even take being bad at something.. but I’ll at least do it. Because, “Even the biggest failure, even the worst most intractable mistake beats the hell out of never trying.” -Greys

7.  I’m half hippie. I’m a dreamer. Without dreams I would have no thoughts and no aspirations. I wouldn’t have known what I wanted to be when I grew up, or even what I want to be after I grow up. I believe in world peace and saving the planet. I believe everything that we call ‘life’ can change in a split second and therefore we should take nothing for granted.

8. I’m outgoing. I consider myself a good sort of crazy. I love experiencing new things and meeting new people. I’ll try anything at least once because “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone..” It’s the people in the world and the experiences you have that make life what it is.

9. I’m a hopeless romantic. I can make a personal rom com out of almost anything. I believe in love and everything it stands for. All-encompassing-butterfly-knots-stomach-churning-love. It’s that good kind of pain that makes you never want to let the other person go.. ever. And you’re happy.. forever.. because its a rom com. And I don’t care because I believe in all of it. I believe in someone finding me, and sweeping me off my feet. I believe in a good chase, a courtship, chivalry. As I mentioned, I usually make the first move because realistically, romance and chivalry are almost extinct. But that doesn’t mean I have to give up hope.

10. I’m hysterical. I love to laugh, even on the worst of days a good laugh makes it a little better. I am sarcastic in nature which creates the hysteria, and it makes for the best inside jokes. I can pretty much make anything funny if I think about it long enough. Heck, I’ve even made taking out trash a good time.

Top 10 Reasons Why I SUCK

1. I am a realist. I’m always able to see both or all sides of a situation. Sometimes, all that does is put me in the middle of arguments or leave people thinking I can’t make up my mind.

2. I am honest. Sometimes too honest and it comes across as being bitchy. I didn’t think it was possible, but apparently some people don’t like the truth. And guess what, I don’t care because who wants to live in a world full of lies?! (am I being too honest again? or is that bitchy?)

3. I am the  bestest  friend anyone can have. Sometimes so good of a friend that I get taken advantage of.. which happens, a lot. In turn, it makes me question the friends I have.

4. I put others before myself. Sometimes so much that I forget to take care of myself and I lose my priorities.

5. I am independent. Sometimes so much so that I push people away and end up alone.

6. Im a go-getter. Sometimes so ambitious that I come across as aggressive.

7. I’m half hippie. Not all dreams become reality, and it leads to others thinking I’m an airhead, stupid, live in a fantasy land, or have no goals.

8. I’m outgoing. Sometimes so outgoing that I intimidate people.

9. I’m a hopeless romantic. So much so that I don’t know if I can ever love again.. because “The castle, well it may not be a castle..” Rom-coms are great, but they are not necessarily realistic, so I just keep waiting.. I refuse to settle but I know how to compromise, and not everyone can see the difference.

10. I’m hysterical. Sometimes my sense of humor and natural light-ness come across as I don’t care or I don’t take things seriously enough. This judgment is untrue, I take many things seriously, I just do not see the point of making a situation somber that is serious.. because there IS a difference.

To think, this was my SHORT list.. Yes, I know I’m clever, but I’m also right. All amazing things about someone can also be their downfall, and vise versa. Perception is reality so we have to remember to humble ourselves occasionally (putting other before me) because we are different for a reason. I don’t want to like what you like, because its not necessarily what like. And remember, we are not changing who we are, we are just looking to understand ourselves more (my hippie side) and the good in every situation. (my optimistic realism) 🙂