one down, one more to go!

I can’t believe there are only 6 more days left in March! Never mind my concern of time going to fast as mentioned in a previous post, but I just can’t believe I have made it this far and only missed 4 days of posting. On top of that, I didn’t miss a day because of being lazy or taken over by stress and anxiety, it was because I was actually out and about with literally no time to actually blog.

And I’m sure there are the whispers of “you have the app and can blog anywhere and any time!” Did you not read how I feel about apps!? lol – I don’t care how mobile they are, they will not get in the way of me interacting with real, actual people!

Secondly, I’m just about half way to Easter! Which means Lent is half-way over! Crazy! Sort of, lol, because as of yesterday, I have definitely started craving some bread items.. or maybe just pizza.. hehe. Still I can’t believe it took me this long to finally get that itch.. Just goes to show you I guess, how capable we can be with the proper mindset. But man, I will be pumped to have pizza when this is over lol.

Overall, Lent aside (because I mean, I do that every year) I am pretty proud of myself for being determined enough and focused to come home, as stressed as I have been, and still be able to put some thoughts on the screen. It has also made me a little happier too, not that these days of writing have created masterpieces by any means, but just so happy that I proved I CAN make time to blog when I have real issues or ideas that I want to share. The best feeling is when you make yourself proud, or prove yourself wrong 🙂

Thanks again to my readers! Lets see what these last 6 days will bring 🙂

 

🙂

beauty sleep

Omg. So I get home at around 5pm-ish, make some dins.. and I’m literally in bed by 6:30p! I tried to finish the Positive Paychology book.. AND FELL ASLEEP. 

Clearly it was an exhausting week. Aside from normal stress, I was active in the event this past Wednesday, and did enjoy my “night out” yesterday.. but I was still in bed by 10:30p! 

Man, sometimes your body legit just yells at you and forces you to rest.. I woke up around 8p, and have been on-and-off since.. I think I’ll have some water and just go back to bed at this point lol! Let’s see what time I wake up in the morning..

Maybe this is a reminder to slow down and listen to my body. Rest is important, not only to function, but also mentally and emotionally right? It’s all connected. Maybe if you’re reading this, it gives you a reason to slow down too, and take a nap 🙂 
🙂

girl-bosses can still get a B+

Ok, I know.. sorry! Missed another day, because once again a late night.. on a school night no less! But I am forcing myself awake tonight because yesterday created today.. and it’s important for me to share.

Last night I went to a Women’s Leadership Group that my company hosts for well, women. And the purpose is fairly obvious – my industry consists of a high percentage of men, not only in regular roles but also management. We do however, have two women who hold high ranks, one being our CEO. But because in this particular industry, the majority is men, white men to be more exact, it is nice to have a company that promotes and supports women and minorities to also be successful.

The one thing I took away from last night, which happily created tonight, was that women aren’t really there for one another although the media likes to share women’s marches and protests. In reality, there are many women who openly speak down upon other women, yet call themselves “feminists”. To be part of a women’s movement, whether you call it feminism or something else, you have to actually support other women. It’s not the – Feminism is only for those who believe what I do – movement! Just like the argument of Christians – you call yourself a Christian, act like one.

And I mean don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of women of whom I don’t agree with, for example, I am not a fan of many of the women in current politics. But can we just talk about how for the first time in history it was a woman who successfully ran a presidential campaign? Why are women not acknowledging this? Is it because of the rumors of fake election processes? Is it because you don’t agree with her views? Well we also had a woman who almost became president! Who let me tell you, I was not a fan of myself, but honestly good job to her! You want to know how many girls now believe they can also be president!? But why are people complaining? Oh right, because you don’t agree with her views!? Geez. Those two examples alone provide hope and opportunity for women of the future. No matter who you like, they both are paving the way for little girls on the political spectrum.

In the more everyday atmosphere, why are women who don’t believe in abortions criticized?! What happened to Pro-Choice?! I don’t know if you know this, but NOT having an abortion is still a CHOICE! Where are all the supporting women there?! Or let’s get ugly here, why do women criticize those who have made a conscious decision that they don’t want children?! “But you don’t know until you have one”, “How can you be fulfilled without children!?” Where’s the support of, “Way to make a decision that works for you! (and not for society)”. Because I’ll tell you the sad truth, there are many women who were NOT fulfilled by having children.. millions of them. Sadly, foster care is just one example of that. So why is the woman who understands this within herself, being criticized.. BY OTHER WOMEN!?

It’s a shame really, and because of this, I always had a hard time keeping relationships with other women, because I guess I just don’t think like the “average” woman. But the past two days reminded me of the good ones out there. This event gave a wonderful outlet to share successes and challenges, progress and downfall. And although not all the women there that night were supportive of the whole, it was still wonderful to connect, and re-connect with the strong, sassy 😉 and supportive business women. To find the few who actually believe and support women causes, and women as a whole, no matter what your beliefs, is a wonderful thing.

Because who else can truly understand a woman’s struggle in the working world? Or any “world” for that matter? Not your boyfriend or hubby thats fo’ sho! Which brings me to tonight.. I was able to get together with a couple ladies in my office who also went to the event last night, and although we have known each other for years now, it was always a “show up, work, go home” sort of work-relationship. And that’s ok of course, we all don’t need to be office bffls, but it was just great to actually take time, catch up, and talk about concerns and goals: career goals, personal goals, etc..

The minute you take the time to listen to others, you can find that in all of us, there is strength and meaning. And as a woman in today’s workforce and society, being strong in some way is a necessity. I hope my women readers out there all have someone, or someones, that you can be strong with and who make you stronger. If you haven’t found some yet, keep looking – for as many half-hearted women supporters there are out in the world, I believe there are still more who actually support women as a whole, and the movement for what it’s meant to be. #girlpower

 

 

 

..let it rain

15676986778_66f13bbd60_z

Love this! I found this as I wanted to talk about time..for one thing, this perfectly describes the weather today 🙂 but more so, my current idea of ‘time’.

I mean, can we just talk about how we wake up, blink, and it’s all of a sudden 7pm?! Like, what did I even DO today!? Maybe it’s the feeling of being at work for 8 hours that takes away the meaning of a day.. and by ‘meaning’ it’s not to say that the day doesn’t mean anything, it’s just that when it goes by, I almost feel like I missed out on living.

Because for real, as much as I love Fridays when they come, I also love Mondays, and Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays.. Because everyday is important – so how all of a sudden do I feel every day just slipping away? It’s like the days have just gotten faster on me.

So this rain quote I found, one that I now love, sort of presents a good way to look at time. As time goes by, let it go. Because we can’t control it, it will just keep going without us! Let’s remember to see days as moments, not minutes. Even through a stressful workday, find time (how ironic) to make moments – coffee moment, co-worker moment, moment for yourself.

As time keeps moving on without our permission, all we can do is make moments to keep us feeling alive. It’s a great reminder to be present, let it rain, let time go, be grateful for the weather, be grateful for now.

 

🙂

90% is still an A, amiright?!

Gah! I have failed you all again 😦

But also again, it was for wonderful reasons.. I spent time with some of my favorite people, celebrated a birthday (and you know how much I love Birthdays!), and saw Beauty and The Beast with my most favorite people in the whole world. Well, maybe I bribed him, lol – because I paid, knowing I would love the movie more than him. But c’mon, I also chose Batman Lego Movie, and that movie was bomb!

Anyway, I don’t have much insight or news, rather, just sharing that it was definitely a weekend of getting my life back together. I cleaned, did laundry (with still two more loads to go! 😦 ) went grocery shopping, ran some errands.. You know, all the simple things that trick your brain into thinking you have your life in order..! Lol

Stress is still keeping off the track with my heart-break-dancing, but I do have an appointment in a week to get that baby checked. All the small, wonderful moments of the weekend helped ease some thumping though 🙂 I haven’t been this happily tired in a long time 🙂

I hope everyone out there had at least a good moment this weekend, and more so, I hope Monday didn’t take away the goodness ❤

 

🙂

 

“heartbeat! you make me feel so weak!”

Taana Gardner, I feel you girl! Not sure if I mentioned from when I wrote about my stress and anxiety a couple weeks back, but my heart palpitations have come to say hello again. This second time around isn’t as scary, although it does make me feel weak! Because I am a little afraid to run or do anything that exerts energy.

I’ve been meaning to make another doctor’s appointment, but you know, when you for some reason work in an environment that frowns upon time off, and takes no consideration when you do take time off, (in regards to work load) it’s a little difficult to make that a priority or focus. This brings me to one of my favorite quotes:

dalai-lama

My man, The Dalai Lama ❤ I so love this.. and it’s funny because as I wrote those sentences above this quote immediately popped in my brain. Why is this not memorized as a daily mantra?! Because my HEALTH should be my priority.

Ugh. When I have been doing all I can nutrition-wise all the way to drinking up to 50-oz of water a day again, and yet my skin is still dry, brittle, and sunken in.. You’d think I would be more in-tune with the issue at hand. Stress, anxiety, and now these awesome – what I like to call – mini-heartattacks. Why does life need to cost money?

Thankfully, aside from this stress that is pretty much making me sick – wait, you know something?! I was looking at past social media posts recently.. and I kid you not, in the past 5mo I counted being sick about 4 times. FOUR TIMES. That’s almost once a month! Maybe it’s not the weather after all! – I do try and live in the present at all times. Thanks to my 5-minute Journal and noting down what I am grateful for on a daily basis, it does help me to stay present and do my best to take advantage of Today.

Now if I could just find a nice balance of personal priorities and a fulfilling job, I think these palpitations would be gone for good. But why is it of all things that, THAT is the hard part? Why is having a job/career so detrimental to personal life?! When did that happen? Whatever happened to working for a greater good, to make your company proud, to build relationships that last for a lifetime? Now with most people I talk to, it’s not common to have “work-friends” rather just “work-friend” and some times no actual “friends” at all, rather just acquaintances, or just “people I work with”. And many don’t even hang out with these people outside the office or even know anything about their personal lives. We have created an office culture of just showing up to take home pennies with no regard on how this affects us personally (I’m sure certain industries may differ? but my close friends all work in different industries, and it seems to be similar). And by ‘affecting us personally’ I mean working long hours, or running on empty by the time 5pm hits and not putting yourself first.. when the only reason we have jobs is to pay for things.. for ourselves. 

I remember working in environments where managers and employees actually cared about each others well-being. We would get drinks after work on a weekly basis, celebrate birthdays, and baby showers, and weddings! And we hung out on weekends and became actual friends. Because these are the people you see more than your own family amiright!? So it made sense to create relationships.. Or maybe it’s just a New England thing, because I just realized all those work-fam experiences were when I lived in New England. Gah SoCal! 😦 #SoDissapointing

I digress.. sort of.. I just know I’m a little uncomfortable because my heart keeps break-dancing in my chest, which creates fears of being able to make quick movements. And this is created by stress, which is sadly because of my current work environment.

We can do this heart! Got to do some heart-push-ups to keep you strong.. and learn to invest in myself so I stop making you work harder than you need to ❤

 

 

 

continuing on..

So, I’m almost done with this 56-page Positive Psychology book by Hans Henrik Knoop. Lol I want to say I’m a slow reader, but I’m not – this book just makes me have to re-read pages to understand it! I made it to the health section, but what I found even more interesting was a section about hedonic adaptation, which means:

“you get used to good things; they gradually “become the norm” so that you become blind to pleasant and well-functioning things – which seen from the outside could make you seem like an ungrateful wretch.” -HHK

It goes on a little more to talk about, how you may see yourself from the inside during those moments you ask yourself why you are not happier than you are. This was enlightening to me, not because I’ve never heard this before, because I have, but more so, it was wonderful to read that yet another psychologist has to remind us to be grateful for things.  Don’t quote me on this, but I believe it was the Gratitude Diaries by Janice Kaplan that went into more detail about this idea, in regards to: you are happiest when planning something or the anticipation of something. Sort of like planning a trip or shopping.. it’s in the doing that is the highlight versus getting to the destination, or taking objects out of a bag. There have been studies on mental outlook and emotional happiness when comparing these stages, i.e. the doing/planning vs the having. Positive Psychology also mentions this idea, though not as thorough, but the same idea of attaining something versus anticipating it.

I am riding in this boat right now.. I literally just said to a dear friend of mine recently in a conversation, “this is why I can’t have nice things”. Because for me, I am excited about getting something or doing something, but once it comes, I’m like – ok what now? Not only that, my mental state has brought me to a point of going further in the idea that, “something good has happened, now lets prepare for the bad”. I know where these feelings come from, as I wrote earlier in the month, but it still makes me sad. Because if you know me at all, I am probably one of the most grateful people out there. Literally in my 5min journal app (these apps!) every morning it asks me what I’m grateful for.. and the first is always God, second is always “Today”. Seriously, I know that sounds a little lame, but I am that person who reminds people.. there could be the alternative – so be grateful for now, it’s all we have. And maybe my stress has inflicted this, not-as-grateful feeling, or vise versa. Either way, reading another book that discusses this was a lovely reminder.

**Honestly, for those of you reading, if you get a chance, I highly, HIGHLY recommend the Gratitude Diaries. One of my absolute, favorite motivational books. 

I can honestly go on forever about gratitude and gratefulness and how they create happiness/positivity, but I’ll leave you with the basic idea of how Positive Psychology simply explained it:

Remember what you have, even after the planning/buying/anticipating is over. And be grateful for the simple things, always find them fascinating, don’t allow yourself to see them as “normal”. Because normalcy is relative when there are still countries and people without “basics” such as clean water.

When you have the mindset of gratefulness, positivity usually follows close behind 🙂

 

🙂

 

time flies when you’re.. in the middle of a challenge!

16 more days! Wholie Molies! Honestly, I never thought I’d see the day. This challenge has been great for me, but darnit, it’s also been trying! I am just pumped that in these 31 days, so far I have only missed one day.. and it was for good reason 🙂

Note – I haven’t finished that Positive Psychology book yet, because I did some yoga tonight peeps! Who’s excited?! I honestly would love to know the ‘why’ and ‘how’ of my motivation, because one day (or most days lately) I get out of work, am depressed, stressed, overly anxious, and in bed by 7pm. And throughout the day I’m psyching myself up.. like “Yah! you will go to yoga tonight! You WILL make it to the sauna to de-stress and de-toxify!” And I usually feel like I might actually do it.. yet most days lately, the min I know I can leave the office, I deflate – In a good way really, it’s like a release of some stress but it’s sort of a downer because I physically and mentally have no strength to do anything else other than eat so I can stay alive, and go to bed and sort of hide.

So today was definitely the little lift I needed in my spirits. So proud of myself for not sulking and letting go today. I’m also pretty pumped that Iv’e made it half way to 31! It’s like a little milestone in March. I did sort of put on my shoulders a little extra challenge with yoga.. to try and do at least a 20 min sequence for the next week.. (baby steps people!) My body definitely isn’t what it was 5 months ago 😦

Today kind of hurt, and I’m sure I’ll feel it tomorrow, but a challenge within a challenge, is the ultimate challenge!

Thank you to all those who continue to read and follow this March journey, and hopefully I have some good stuff to write about in the next two weeks 🙂

 

🙂

 

trying to stay positive

So I’m reading this book: Positive Psychology by Hans Henrik Knoop. It’s a small, short read, I’m just about half way done and I just about an hour ago – with snack breaks lol.

I really like the concept of building our lives with a positive narrative vs our natural gravitation to the negative. Because isn’t so true that no matter how “good” things are we still worry about the bad? I am definitely one of those people. It’s like a Murphy’s Law complex of ‘whatever can happen, will happen’. And I do joke on occasion of ‘this is why I can’t have nice things’. Because for me, it’s more so when something “good” happens, I begin to wait for the counter bad effect.

And I am a positive person by nature, mind you. I like to think of myself as a Positive-Realist. I always see both/all sides of any, and all situations, but I almost always lean on the side of the positive. But this book makes you think beyond that. I heard a little about it before I started reading, as I borrowed this from my best friend.. One section in particular that I couldn’t wait to read about was health. And how when you are sick.. really your body is healthy because it is working to fight whatever virus or bacteria is in your system.

It’s funny, because when I posted my “sick” post a few days back, I had already heard of this idea from my friend, and wanted to mention that in the post. But I didn’t want to keep elaborating on that in a post that wasn’t relevant. But since I’m talking about this neat little book, let’s dive in for a hot sec. I honestly thought this idea was the best example of Positive Psychology.

So you are sick.. and the auto-feeling = miserable. I of course am at fault as well. But imagine being aware of sickness.. yes it is uncomfortable, but beginning your thoughts on: “Thank you self for being well enough to fight whatever nasty is in me”. And because I had heard this idea prior, I did take a moment to tell myself, “ok self, fine I’ll allow this one-nostril thing because you are fighting and that means you are working properly”. And literally for a moment, I was like, a little proud of myself! Lol – because I then continued my thought process into how I take care of myself, and do my best to stay healthy. I eat well 95% of the time, (let’s be real, weekends don’t count) and although a little off the wagon lately because I manage stress poorly, I am normally active, whether running, yoga, or volleyball. So I thanked myself for taking care of me, and providing my body what it needs to keep fighting.. because as we know, bodies shut down a lot, and if my immune system decided not to fight one day, I would be in a very different situation here. In the end, it did provide a moment of seeing things on the bright side, so-to-speak.

Part of that last point though, brings me to my terrible stress. As mentioned, eating-wise I always give myself a break on the weekends. Usually it’s just one day to be honest, but I still give myself a break, because everything is wonderful in moderation – especially ice cream 🙂 And although I like to coin myself as the ‘worlds best stress eater’, my stress effects me more in my active state. I am hoping this book goes into that somewhere with the positivity, and maybe I’ll do a follow-up once I finish, which most likely will be tomorrow. So here, I am trying to think ‘positive’ in regards to stress.. or is my stress due to not being positive?! That’s possible, because stress is a negative reaction. Hmm.. All I know is that I need a check up because my heart palpitations are back, I need to see my chiropractor, and I need yoga.

In all, I am enjoying the study of Positive Psychology, and literally, the book is like 56 pages, so if you can, find it and give it a glance. I definitely recommend this book to the masses especially if it can help our society’s thought process. Stay Positive my friends.

 

🙂

failure and the best 3 days

Can we just talk for a sec about how sort-of fantastic the past few days have been!? Now, if I’m going to be honest, there was tragedy in the midst of my happiness. My heart still hurts thinking about it – and as I am not tied directly to this tragedy, it’s different for me. But it is a tragedy all the same.

This actually brings me to a short conversation I had with a co-worker today about how strange and sort-of sad life can be because when there is a tragedy that does not affect a mass population but say only a family.. the rest of the world lives on. When we lose a loved one.. we are who suffers, yet everyone around us carries on their day with jokes and conversation. Isn’t that strange? I don’t know, I think it is.. Because as I had one of the best weekends in a long time, and a great end to an “eh” Monday.. and yet part of me feels terrible that there is someone out there that I know of who is grieving.

And I digress.. but I do feel a sting of pain reminiscing about such a great few days – However, I am also more grateful for those moments. Just as I had written on Saturday, I spent the most beautiful day with my dad running errands and helping him get stuff done. On Sunday, which is my failure – I DIDN’T POST! 😦 – for good reason though, I was out all day and didn’t get home until 11:30pm and by the time I looked at my watch getting into bed, it was 10 past midnight.. I let the day win. But in every time we fall we get back up right?! I wasn’t going to miss today!

Anyway, Sunday was church day with my daddio, did I mention it was another perfect day weather-wise?! 😎 And afterwards I took an adventure into the mountains to go to a LuLaRoe pop-up where I knew no one. That is an important note. I knew no one. I haven’t gone anywhere on my own free will to meet people since that volleyball meet-up 4 years ago.. and if you know me at all.. you see where that got me! Broken hearts and best friends..

Well I went, and I showed up! And I met some great people! I forgot what that rush felt like. And as happy as I am with my baby-circle of friends, making connections and networking is so great, and always helpful. As I adventured back later in the afternoon, I met up with the broken-heart-turned-best-friend and we had dinner, shared some laughs, and conversed over Netflix. And as mentioned earlier, I got home late, just in time for bed.

Today was a normal Monday BUT an old high school friend of mine was traveling the coast with his wife. The weather is a little strange by the coast and been super foggy so they stopped in my neighborhood where they are staying the night before driving back up to NorCal. We were able to catch up while I ate my sushi and they ordered to-go. It had been a long day for them, and I didn’t mind at all.. I was just thrilled we got to share some time. More so, I was over ecstatic because my theory of “We are who we are, people don’t change” -Great Expectations – came to life! We chatted about how we don’t talk to anyone from high school because we sort of had the same path.. moving to a small town where everyone already knew everyone.. and not ever quite feeling like you fit in.. We talked about running into other people and they are still the same as they were 18 years ago.. except with children. It was just great to know that after the awfulness of high school we are still who we are, and we don’t suck. Lol.

I guess for me, the weekend was full of feeling great about the unexpected. And allowing it to create good things. On top of that, being grateful for what I have, what comes my way, and still having these opportunities. To be able to continue on, day-to-day, knowing there is sadness around you, but also remembering that it is in those human connections whether new, old, or  sad even, that create meaning in this life.

 

🙂