I thought I’d drop a note, since I realized I haven’t written since my long-ass Thanksgiving post! I usually do some sort of New Year’s one too.. but what I also started up again was writing in my journal. Which, to be honest, has been like therapy.
You see, this happens to all of us every once in a while in the roller coaster of life.. and I have once again found myself on a broken coaster car, just sitting there, waiting for the ride to be fixed! Gah! I mean, strangely enough, like all other times when I feel miserable, I seem to be in my most hopeful moment as well. Maybe that’s a given.. because I mean, shouldn’t we be more hopeful during down times? Not more miserable? Anyway.. my problem is, that most of these broken car moments usually involve feelings. I never get ‘broken down’ from work, or daily life.. it’s always when it affects my heart.
When I get hurt, I just want to know “why”. The number one thing I struggle with in times like this is finding answers. It’s like, I don’t care that I’m on a broken coaster car, just tell me why.. One thing I have been working on diligently in the past 2 years has been patience.. I met someone who helped tremendously with that, and so now I realize, that so long as I have some sort of honest answer/explanation to this misery, I’m fine. I’ll sit and wait.. or I’ll just get out of the broken car and start walking up the tracks myself.
Anyone out there wanna tell my why it’s so hard to tell the truth, or give honest answers? And I’m not just talking ‘intimate’ relationships here, I’m talking all relationships, all of them. Because what we don’t realize is that this sort of thing is worse in friendships! We keep thinking that we are helping the situation.. I’m no different.. there are friends who I don’t really consider friends anymore, who will reach out to me.. and I just blatantly ignore them. Sometimes I don’t mean to.. and I just forget about them.. but that’s no better! Why can’t I just say, “Thanks, but I don’t care.” Or “Hey, I’m at Target, and yes, that is more important than you right now.” < I know those are semi-random, but you get the idea.
Then again, (I just did one of those ‘AH’ laughs) the reason why I can count my friends on one hand is because I have been that person who did answer like I mentioned above, and well.. people can’t handle the truth either I guess. I literally have lost many a friend due to my lack of, not care per se, but lack of eloquent explanations. Honestly, though, why would you NOT want the truth? How many times have people complained and cried about – “It’s worse to live a lie than be hurt by the truth.” Well then act like it people! Ugh..
So I guess this mini vent is about truth and honesty.. just give it to me straight. Provide me with the information.. I become knowledgable, and I make my own decisions. Simple as that. When you keep information from people, you are making the decision(s) for them. Someone tells me the power went out, so it will take about 5 min for my broken car to start up again? Cool, I’ll wait. You tell me a bolt blew off and my car is missing a wheel? Got it, I’m out, I’m walking, because this car needs to get repaired without me in it. But if you just tell me the car is broken.. without explanation.. I’ll be pissed waiting an hour, when I could’ve started walking..
Anyway, till next time, when hopefully my coaster car is at least in the shop, 😉 and I have better things to write about..