As I reminisce about my time here in New England I realize, as much excitement as I have in moving away, there are many things that are giving me a heavy heart. I’m sure this happens to many people, thinking about the time you have had, and rethinking your decisions. Now, I am not changing my mind, or even thinking about it.. but in weaker moments, I can definitely find a few things that could possibly bring me back to New England. Maybe a little more than a few, but nonetheless, here is a small list of my memories, loves, and what will be missed. This is my very own adult-senior-year yearbook will 🙂
First and foremost, missing out on Fall makes me cry a little on the inside. The leaves changing, the cool crisp air, apple picking, hoodies and leggings.. (I don’t know if you’ve heard, but in my closet, leggings are pants) It’s strange here in New England, life almost revolves around Fall. We prepare for it all summer, and once it’s here.. all we do is dread winter, and wait for summer again. The Fall has a strange way of making a new beginning. It has a lot to do with school schedules, but there is a strange notion of new things to come. Maybe it’s an idea of the leaves falling, which depicts some sort of ending, and we wait for the new to grow.. Whatever it is, I love it, and miss it already.
Sunrises. I probably don’t need to explain this one, but if you have not seen a sunrise in person, at the beach, you are missing out on one of the most calming, spiritual, and hopeful moments ever. I happen to be blessed as a morning person so I have seen many. What some people don’t realize, however, is living on the East Coast, we are all blessed in that we are able to watch the sun rise in its purest form. Nothing in the way. No trees, no mountains, no buildings.. just the sun. After seeing multiple sunrises, I can definitely say that it is the one simple things we take for granted. It is something we expect to happen without even knowing all its beauty. From a current New Englander who will soon no longer have the opportunity to watch a sunrise over the ocean, it is one thing I would love to motivate all you other New Englanders to do. At least once in your life, just set your alarm, get up, and experience a sunrise. You can take a nap later.. and honestly, after a sunrise experience.. you wont even care about sleep, you’ll just want breakfast. I promise.
Friends. I grew up in CA and lived there for 13 years. I beat that here, and have lived in New England for 18 years. My first 6 years were very confusing and rather awkward. I did not have many friends.. many acquaintances, but few friends. This probably explains why I have worked hard at keeping the small few I still have. This also explains why I am a huge advocator of meeting new people and making new friends or connections. If you notice in all of my blogs, they discuss people and what people do. People are an important part to life, (obvi – I know you all are thinking it) but especially for someone like myself, personal connections mean the world. It’s the people in your life who help you find jobs, who hold your hair back when you drank too much, who make you laugh. It’s people who make you realize who you want to be and who you don’t. People also make you realize, that like most things, it’s quality, not quantity. I had a low moment right before Labor Day, and for the first time since my break-up I felt lonely. Loneliness for me, is the worst. I cried while driving, that’s the worst! For some reason I could not find solace in my independence and my ability to accept change as a good thing. In my efforts to kick this, I held the plans I had even though I was reconsidering, and although I did not expect to even enjoy myself, I ended up creating the beginning one of the best weeks I’ve had in a long time. I realized how important family actually was to me, or maybe it was just the sense of belonging.. I caught up with an old bestie, who even after a few years, could still share my dreams. I spent time with the people who mean the most to me. The friends I have made here may never compare to the new ones I will potentially make. It is difficult to explain in words how much these people mean to me. They are my family. They have been there through every mistake and bad decision. They have watched me cry.. hysterically.. and they have also made me laugh till my face hurt. Honestly, if I had to deal with myself, I wouldn’t be friends with me. That alone makes my friends better people than I am.
Because of my friends, I realized a lot of things in the past week. I realized how much I actually love this place of snow and changing leaves, and amazing sports teams.. I realized that New England has been my second home although many times I felt I was just visiting. And I realized that even though I may only have a month left.. (OMG a MONTH) I will not stop making memories. I will only make more. I will absorb every inside joke, rekindle every flame, light new ones, and make even more inside jokes. (and for those reading who understand, I don’t care what you say, my mind said champagne room, and my mouth clearly had too much wine in it!!)
I will take every day as it comes, because I learned this past weekend that I could pull out of the driveway, and BAM. And really, as we know, if you wanna make God laugh, tell him your plans. So I no longer have any. I will head west with my dreams, and take everyday as it is meant for me. Meredith said it best in Greys Anatomy:
“We’ve all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to ‘seize the day’. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today’s possibility under tomorrow’s rug until we can’t anymore, until we finally understand for ourselves like Benjamin Franklin meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping. And that even the biggest failure, even the worst most intractable mistake beats the hell out of never trying.”
So I will try, and see what happens. And no matter what, after realizing what I have, no matter how small it may feel, I will always have about 5 things to come back to New England to 🙂 No matter how long I stay in CA, even if it becomes ‘forever’ I realize now, I will always have two places to call home.
Just like heading off to college, I will make new memories, have new experiences, and probably create new dreams. Although, I do hope I don’t make nearly as many bad decisions as I did in college.. I will get home sick, I will hope my mom sends me care packages, and I will always be Celtics fan 🙂 I love you New England and I thank you for the changing of the seasons, the sunrises, and all the amazing people you gave me. Here’s to new adventures!
“After all, things change, so do cities, people come into your life and they go. But it’s comforting to know that the ones you love are always in your heart… and if you’re very lucky, a plane ride away” -Carrie – Sex & the City