to live, or not to live.. is that really a question?

so, if i can just start this blog with saying.. since ive purchased my iphone, i have not looked at a computer screen.. yes, its been about a month. typing is much easier on here! ha!

anywhoo.. on to my interesting thoughts..
so help me out here blogworld.. readers of blogs.. people. im sure there are many of you who have gone through this, or are going through this etc.. but really.. this question has been racking in my little head for months now.. and its possibly giving me an ulcer (thanks gabby!) but out there in this confusing life of belief, religion, and fate.. how do we know what we’re supposed to be doing?!
i mean i know.. the lady gaga’s and gahndi’s, and abraham lincoln’s of our day found their way to become great influences in our society.. no matter how spiritual, political.. or odd. and for all the optimists out there, i know i, and you, can also become one of those greats.. we can. but are we SUPPOSED to? what is that thing we are SUPPOSED to do?!
for me, i feel like everyday i have an inner challenge knowing i have not fulfilled what i am supposed to be doing here on this lovely planet. since childhood, i always felt as though i would do something that would change lives.. make a difference on this worlds outlook.. give people the ability to see this gorgeous world in a different way. not my way necessarily, but just in a new way. i still have that feeling that whether it be fame or a peace prize, or even a novel, i feel i am supposed to reach out.
but then i think.. i have been a coach, a teacher, and a mentor at times, in almost all the jobs i have had.. from retail, to coaching, to finance and marketing. many of those who have been coached by me or have worked under me, have expressed how i have made a difference in their lives.. some big, some small, some, well, are more for comic relief. 🙂 so here i come back to my mighty goal in life thats itching away at me.. am i already doing what i think im meant for? or is there still a bigger connection out there?
i guess in simpler terms.. what is it to settle? i mean, we all have wants.. my mother always said to me “its always nice to WANT things” and i get what she was saying.. we have NEEDS. like food, water, air to breathe. a roof over our head. but taking away material things.. what is it about those WANTS that we have? they are urges that point us into a certain direction to motivate, try new things, to get us to this goal. speaking of trying new things.. i hope you all are still doing something everyday that scares you!
and lets remember, not all WANTS are bad. however, again.. this settling idea. someone WANTS to go back to school.. but this person puts other things ahead of that. like marriage, kids, maybe just a job, or just basic family and friends.  but this person keeps getting these urges to learn something new.. embrace new idea, get a better job. but there are these basics, that many feel are more important, that keep holding this person back.. leaving this urge.. for “maybe later” or even questioning the importance of personal goals and dreams.
[note. there is this amazing little book a friend got for me called “How to Live in Flip Flops” by Sandy Gringas. everyone should read it. it has a little part on personal dreams and goals.. and making time for yourself. even if its a little at a time]
but when does this urge become too much? is that when you finally lose your mind and tell everyone to ‘back off! this is what I WANT!” why does it come down to that? where is the balance. many will read this and go back to what my mother said.. “its always nice to WANT things” ..this “you cant have it all” idea. but maybe we’re not looking to have it all. we’re just looking to to follow an urge.. continue on a path to what we’re possibly SUPPOSED to do.
because really.. one person’s choice, as we know, may not be fit for others. some of you who have chosen family over career can argue till you turn blue over the pros and cons with the person who chose career over family. as some of you know, i was not fit to be a young bride. however, one of my best friends is still going strong.. 9 years later. so how do we figure this out? whats best for us? just keep hacking away till something seems right? thats a lot of mistakes i dont have the energy to make. i clearly thought getting married was a good idea when, it more clearly WASNT for me. so how do we know now what are good choices? aside from the obvious, dont steal, be nice, stop at stop lights.. when choices start looking grey.. how do we make them color?!
when is that “aha” moment, that push.. again, you optimists are saying “NOW” oh i hear ya! but the realist in me is asking.. like “now, now” or like “now, in a few weeks.. when all my weddings are over this summer, or when i make it through one last holiday at this job.
my realism and optimism keep fighting.. my settling nature keeps telling me that “if it aint broke, dont fix it” where as my passionate side is yelling” if you dont do it now, youll never do it!” and can i live with that? or is that even living at all? settling on what you have because its nice on the outside?
..or breaking out a little because it feels better on the inside?
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